Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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