At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
