I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
