The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize