she smelled like a LAN party
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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