First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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