he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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