he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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