check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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