I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
