cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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