So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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