dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
