Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
