who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
