you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I want is dick and wine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
