she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
