i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
