names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
