I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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