whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
