Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize