you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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