We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
