If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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