i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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