Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
