i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
