I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
