Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You ruined the universe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
