I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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