is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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