you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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