I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
