im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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