Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
