so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
