The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
