I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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