LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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