Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
