God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize