party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
