called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
