saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
