She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
