Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
