I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this boner is exhausting
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
