I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
