You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
