I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
