More tranny stories later!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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