he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just had sex on a roof
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
