I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You made out with two different species that night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
