I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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