So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
