I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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