Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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