Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
