I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's blow job season.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
