I think I won the penis lottery.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
