God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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