dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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