I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm too high and old for this...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
