the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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