I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
