Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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