She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
