plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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