Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I AM VODKA MAN
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
